What to say on awkward wedding situations

When you want more planning involvement from your fiance.  A.K.A. Please give a damn man! You asked me to marry you!”

Along the lines of: “I’m excited to start the rest of my life with you but I don’t want to be all tired and sad and can’t-wait-to-get-it-over-with kind of wedding planning memories. Let’s take this journey together.”

Let’s normalize wedding planning WITH the groom! It’s all too common to see brides-to-be carry the mental workload of crazy tiny details of planning. Sure, he wants to give the bride what she wants, but it doesn’t mean you have to feel alone.

Communicate the details of the wedding and how critical things are especially when things are booking up rapidly for your date. This is the usual reason they are complacent, with a “can’t-be-bothered” attitude, the date of the wedding is too far out when in fact most wedding suppliers are booked at least 6 months in advance.

Also, mention clearly to your vendors, to communicate with the groom as well. Most are so used to the traditional “it’s the bride’s decision” and will only speak to you which adds to the burden.

When you’re screaming into the void about your mother’s over involvement. AKA “This is MY wedding mom!”

“Thank you so much for helping us with this, mom. We really want to have xyz according to our vision, but otherwise we’re fine with you taking the reins on anything else!”

Pick a few hills you want to die on, and let her have the other things. The fact that you could do this with your mom is a precious gift. Try to make the memories with her and make the journey together without stepping on each other.

Other people losing their sanity over your wedding plans. Dealing with everyone’s expectations about YOUR day AKA “Kayo na kaya ang magpakasal???”

“We appreciate it but we BOTH wanted it this way.”  FULL STOP. No explanation needed specially if you’re paying for it.

When people say “It’s your wedding, whatever you want” and then proceed to have an issue anyway.

Best defense:

Keep the information you share about wedding planning to a minimum. It’s the best way to avoid unwanted, unnecessary opinions… And drama.

Your mindset:

Other people are not thinking about your wedding nearly as much as you are. If you’re asking what people will think of using a fall color for a spring wedding, or if they will care if you skip a first dance: don’t. Other people don’t care, and the whole process gets about a billion times easier when you stop worrying about other people and just do what you want to do. Unless it DIRECTLY affects them, other people don’t care. It’s optimistic to think 95% of your guests will even notice most things, much less form an opinion on it.

Culling the guest list. Keeping the guest list under control without hurting anyone’s feelings AKA “We can’t afford to feed your +1 couz.”

It’s hard to get caught in a conversation and suddenly be asked about your upcoming wedding by someone you intended not to invite for whatever reason. Arm yourself with this polite reply.

“Thanks for asking, {partner] and I really regret we can’t invite all our friends, {optional to add} because of {venue capacity and budget}. We’d love to have a get together sometime at a date we’re all available.

One Redditor came up with a spreadsheet that helps narrow down your guestlist: https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingplanning/comments/xwetxj/having_trouble_narrowing_down_your_guest_list_i/

Having a conversation about the defeating process of wedding budgeting AKA “Let’s just elope babe!”

“What splurges do we want for the wedding? and where can we offset it with?”

Keep it positive. Prioritize the things that are important to both of you. Budgeting and this goes beyond your wedding is teamwork. Figure out how to win instead of trying to defeat it.

How to word “We don’t want wedding gifts, we want cash.”

“We do not have a registry. We know most are traveling from far reaches to join us, so your presence with us in celebration is the most generous gift! However, if you insist on getting us something, we kindly ask for a cash contribution to help us start our married life together.”

How to word “We appreciate if you don’t come with your children if you can’t keep an eye on them”

“We are only able to accommodate children and plus ones explicitly listed on your invitation. Please text or call us if you have specific questions or concerns.”

Be polite and clear about it. A great way to approach this is to make a list of all the people you want to invite, and then make a note of who has kids in their family. Then think about who would have to travel any further than 1 hour to the wedding. If you choose not to invite kids, you have to be ok with all of those parents not coming, especially if their kids are very young. This is not to say they won’t come, just that it significantly complicates things for them. Then consider how you would feel- are some of these people must-have guests? Would you not care if they weren’t there? But I think you just have to assess your guest list and make your best guesses on people. This would be what I would do for any child-free wedding.

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